Why aren’t we talking about the impact of elitism at work on working class women's health?

For decades, women have been trying to break through the patriarchal barriers in the workplace. Although “progress” has been made, in terms of numbers of women in the workplace, female workers in male-dominated environments face challenges that men never have to encounter. Whilst there may be more women in senior positions, often we see they belong to a cohort of women educated privately or from credible middle-class backgrounds, and from a small number of elite universities. For large corporations with a HQ in London, there is often a London and Southeast England bias.

For working-class white girls in the eighties, we may have identified with the character of Andie played by Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink. The poor girl wanted to be accepted by the rich popular boy. She tried to hide her poverty. It is a mentality that has been ingrained in us since early childhood. But she was still a pretty, straight, CIS, white girl, and she was victorious in the end. So, this character will would have provided little solace to the majority of poor girls growing up who didn’t identify as this. However, she was an outsider, and seeing outsiders at an early age is powerful for kids of all backgrounds. Under representation and not seeing ourselves feeds imposter syndrome and when paired with the feelings of a scarcity mindset created by poverty, feelings can last a lifetime.

Molly Ringwald as Andie in Pretty in Pink (1986)

Fast forward a few decades and into the workplace and our need to be seen as rich and well connected is worse than ever. The gap between rich and poor larger. Disability, gender and racial bias can often be clearly seen in boardrooms and in photos of the leadership team. But for other less visible biases such as class, neurodiversity, sexuality and cultural bias, is often difficult to identify and can be nuanced. For all the policy written into HR these days, too many of us are still experiencing dally micro aggressions which is made worse just by being a woman.

For example, the ten-minute chat at the beginning of a zoom meeting can be hugely troubling, as you try to find signifiers and reference points to show that you “belong.” Examples of these might be knowing how to ski and which ski resorts are the best, following the progress of tennis champions during Wimbledon, even what food you prepare for dinner. When team members share these anecdotes either consciously or subconsciously, they are participating in a “power move.” They are asserting their right to belong within the group.

Working class people in the same meeting have the added burden of searching for reference points to assert their belonging, taking their brain away from focusing on their work. These thoughts may last for the entirely of the meeting and even throughout the day. They may even spend their free time searching ski resorts to “gen up” on a world they don’t know. This is additional work.

This stress is then exacerbated by the unconscious mind wondering how you’re doing. Have you “outed” yourself as working class or poor in any way or have you managed to pull it off?

In another example, at a brunch meeting, you may choose a croissant to eat, only to see your colleagues eating theirs with a knife a fork. And so, it goes on.

But you may be thinking “We have plenty of people with regional accents who would identify as working class in our workplace.” This may be true, but there are often nuances to why these people are outwardly working class and “accepted.” If for example, you’re a quieter person with no particular noticeable extreme persona, you will have made an unconscious choice. Do you “out” yourself early as working class as a point of confidence and assertiveness, or do you hide and try to mask as best you can as middle class?

Charlotte says “I am a quiet working-class person from Newcastle. I am white and English and went to university. My accent has changed so I guess I “present” as middle class. But I keep getting overlooked for promotion and not included in work banter. There are people with regional accents at our place but they’re all quite loud and toxic. They almost use their northerness or Devon accent as their personal brand. Its over accentuated and done in a “don’t fuck with me” kind way…. that’s the only way I can describe it. For some reason you don’t hear any quieter regional voices.” Assertive or even mildly aggressive and loud behaviour is often a strategy played in work, but it is one used predominantly by men. Men are socialised to behave assertively. If a woman tries the same behaviour often, she is rejected as overly aggressive or bossy.

What Charlotte is describing are “jester” or “outlaw” personal brand archetypes. If you identify with the characteristics within these archetypes then the likeliness is you will be much more likely to accepted as your authentic self at work. And most likely you are man. A jack the lad. A maverick. Unapologetic. The mad genius. These are not a personae open to many women. As humans we need to pigeonhole people. Charlotte continues “I seem to get along with the Australians and other nationalities within our team. It’s as though non-British colleagues can’t spot that I don’t fit in. They missed the memo.”

So, we suffer in silence and continue to enjoy looking at our bank balances, congratulating ourselves on how far we’ve come despite the challenges. But we spend sleepless nights wondering how we came across and whether were “really” accepted by the elite group when our backs are turned.

The burden becomes even bigger if your childhood home was not one where you felt safe, acknowledged, encouraged, or nurtured. If you’re someone from a disadvantaged background, where lack of structure and nurture were your daily routine as a child growing up, and you’ve still managed to work your way through the school system, University, and work promotions, then you will undoubtedly struggle with feeling worthy and overcompensation. Not only have you had to find you're own self belief system, it's highly likely you are alone in your lived experience.

Whether unworthiness manifests in negative self-talk, binge drinking at work dos, or uncontrolled emotions in meetings, childhood neglect or abuse will impact your work progression and your mental health if not dealt with at some point.

Suzanne, a marketing professional was brought up by mentally ill parents and neglected as a child but manages to maintain a corporate job.

“The HR team at my work ran a “Guess the baby” activity where colleagues brought in their baby photos. But my parents never took photos of me as baby or as a child and so I couldn’t share mine. Not only did I yet again have to work through my feelings of not belonging, but I also had to work through triggering thoughts around my childhood neglect.”

She continues, “It just goes to show that as a fish out of water, in however that manifests for you, class, race, disability, neurodiversity, family background, sexuality, you can wake up in the morning and go to work feeling awesome and still something can happen at works that triggers you that you then have to spend days dealing with just to get back to neutral.”

So, what is the cost we pay for this? What is toll is the workplace taking on the body?

“Successful” people from marginalised backgrounds often have perfectionist tendencies from learning a “fight or flight” way of living early in life. The perfectionist tendencies of someone with imposter syndrome can mean every interaction becomes intensely stressful. Burnout, or stress to the nervous system can set in after hundreds, maybe thousands, of uncompleted stress cycles where the individual never has a chance to mentally recover from moments of pressure.

You are doing your best. It is the phrase that many marginalised working-class women and women of colour repeat to themselves over and over again. Women in white middle class patriarchal work settings will repeat this to themselves every time they work hard and get overlooked or bullied. However, this “doing your best” type of mentality can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and overall unease. The constant feeling that you must be the one to work hard, not the mainstream accepted culture can take a serious toll on a woman's nervous system. We are not programmed to constantly be “doing our best.” Our ancestors existed in collaborative tribes where if you had a bad day the rest of the community would pitch in. Very few people were ever ousted from the tribe. Everyone was valued and everyone contributed.

We now understand that increased levels of stress can lead to a weakened immune system. The nervous system controls the immune system, and this affects autoimmune diseases and inflammation.

In Gabor Mate’s book, “When the Body says No,” he explores the impact of patriarchy on the female nervous system and why the vast majority of those with auto-immune diseases are women.

Women entering their middle years who are starting to get sick are just starting to look at the heavy toll trying to work, care and do everything in society has taken on their mental and physical health. Often a celiac, MS or cancer diagnosis can be the first trigger for a middle-aged woman to stop and think about herself and her life journey. We are turning to wellbeing, alternative therapies, and counselling to rebalance and heal. But many of us are also turning to politics and activism. We are angry, and pointing the blame squarely at the society created by our elites who gaslit us into believing we could have it all. An article from 1999 shows how Tony Blair had a vision for a “classless” society. An interesting vision from a white man who went to boarding school. Having it all is a lie. The system is rigged and now we know it.

So now we understand that we were gaslit to believe we could have it all if we just passed exams and worked hard, and that having a middle class life was the ultimate goal for us, now what do we do? We can fight against it, make sure our kids are aware of their privileges but also the rigged system. Choose whether or not to continue participating within it. Find like minded women online to share experiences with. Help each other. Or move to a caravan like Linda in Channel Four’s The Change.

Patriarchal and white middle class work settings are making women ill and can have a severe impact on the female nervous system. Wellbeing and mental health discussions on social media are welcome and helpful. Now its time to link this up with the toxic structures in play across society and work. Only until the daily micro aggressions are addressed will working class women and other marginalised groups start to heal, and take their rightful places in work and a more caring and equal society.